Let’s be real parenting is exhausting. Sure, it’s filled with beautiful moments and so much love, but it’s also a lot. Lately, it feels like there’s a new “right way” to parent every time you scroll through social media.
As parents, we’re constantly juggling our own beliefs, what society expects from us and what our children actually need. It’s like trying to keep a dozen plates spinning at once and honestly, sometimes we just want to let them all crash to the floor.
These days, everyone has an opinion about parenting. Conscious parenting, gentle parenting, helicopter parenting, free range parenting, the list goes on. While someone on Instagram might swear their method is life changing, here’s the thing, every family is different and unique. What works for them might not work for you and that’s completely okay.
Each style comes with its own set of rules and pressures. We’re told to be nurturing but also set firm boundaries. Foster independence but keep them safe. Be present but not overbearing. It’s enough to make your head spin. The truth is, no single approach fits every family and trying to force yourself into a mould that doesn’t fit will just leave you running on empty.
Here’s what makes it even harder, this exhaustion isn’t just physical, it’s mental and emotional too. The constant second guessing, the fear that you’re messing up, the pressure to be the “perfect parent” it all takes it’s toll. Some days it feels like you’re stumbling through a dance you never learned, just trying to keep up with your child’s ever changing needs.
But here’s what we need to remember, parenting is a journey, not a test you can pass or fail. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to question yourself. It’s okay to admit you don’t have all the answers and to ask for help when you need it.
The messy parts, the struggles and the doubts, they’re all part of it. What really matters isn’t following some perfect parenting formula, it’s the love and connection (yes, with boundaries!) that you build with your children.
The Four Classic Parenting Styles
If you’ve ever looked into parenting research, you’ve probably heard about these four types. They were originally identified by psychologist Diana Baumrind back in the 1960s (she came up with three), and then in the 1980s, researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin added the fourth Neglectful Parenting.
Authoritarian (“My way or the highway”) This is the strict, no nonsense approach. Rules are rules, no negotiation. “Children should be seen and not heard.” Lots of structure, not much warmth or flexibility. Research shows this style typically doesn’t lead to great outcomes.
Permissive (All affection, no boundaries) Pretty much the opposite of authoritarian. These parents are super loving and affectionate, but there aren’t many rules or boundaries. Children have tons of freedom without much guidance. Turns out, this doesn’t work out much better than the authoritarian approach.
Neglectful (Hands-off in the worst way) This is when parents are just… absent. No rules, but also no affection or involvement. Children’ needs aren’t met,sometimes not even their basic physical needs. This has the worst outcomes of all four, which isn’t surprising.
Authoritative (The sweet spot and no, it’s not the same as authoritarian!) This is the balance researchers point to as most effective. It combines clear expectations and structure with warmth and flexibility. Parents are engaged and involved, set boundaries, but also listen to their children and adjust when needed. This style consistently shows the best outcomes.
Here’s the reality though during the ups and downs of parenting, most of us don’t stick to just one style. We might shift between them depending on what’s going on, how stressed we are, or what our children need in that particular moment. That’s completely okay. We’re human. Parenting is hard. Some days we nail it and some days we’re just trying to survive until bedtime.
The goal isn’t perfection, it’s doing our best with what we’ve got, showing up for our children, and giving ourselves grace when things don’t go according to plan.
